The One With The Slaps
by Pixiestick-cc
Summary: The story of how Joey and Rachel's relationship actually began and didn't end with her slaps. A different take on 'The One With Ross's Tan' where Rachel and Joey's stay together - re-posted with changes.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**: I posted the first chapter a bit ago, but took it down when I felt there wasn't enough romantic comedy (like the category I had placed it under). I made some revisions and added about 1,000 words. I don't plan to drag this fic out. 2-3 chapters at most. Enjoy!

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Rachel knew the real reason she had smacked Joey when he tried to move his hands away from her face and slowly down her backside during one seriously heavy make-out session. It had taken her the better part of a night to figure it out, but eventually the reason had crept into her brain after hours of contemplation.

At first she had been just as confused as Joey, although, unfortunately for him, the physical pain she'd caused couldn't be shared. He'd had to endure that all on his own … several times. Poor Joey. After one too many slaps, her new boyfriend had asked them to call it a night … in separate beds. His actual words were more along the lines of a plea. "Rach, I have to be on set tomorrow and if you hit me one more time I don't think Gladys will be happy with you."

Gladys was his makeup lady. She knew, because on several occasions Rachel had played the fangirl while accompanying Joey to the set of _Days of our Lives_. When she had frowned in response, Joey had gently kissed her lips and said, "I'm not gonna act like I know what's going on up in there that's making you hit me," he patted the top of her head for emphasis, "But, maybe you should sleep on it and we can try again tomorrow."

"I'm sorry, Joey," was all she could think of to say.

He'd shrugged it off, like it was no big deal and then went to go heat up a pizza pocket. "I've waited a long time for you. What's one more day?" he said between bites.

"Joey, don't you think it's a little late to be eating pizza? What about heartburn, not to mention we just ate all that food at the restaurant?" she asked, trying to deflect attention away from the awkward situation her slaps had caused.

"I'm a Tribbiani. We don't get heartburn," he'd said in exaggerated way that made her laugh.

"Right, how could I forget that I'm dating the man who once ate a whole turkey by himself for Thanksgiving?"

He smiled and tossing his used fork into the sink, walked back over to her. "Actually, I keep Tums in the bathroom, because heartburn's a killer and with the way I eat, I get it a loooot," he whispered as if it was a big secret that he actually didn't have a champion stomach when it came to how much food he ingested.

Then Joey leaned down to kiss her. Rachel could taste the pepperoni still lingering on his lips, but she didn't mind. If one was going to be in a relationship with Joey Tribbiani then they would also have to be in a relationship with his food. When he pulled away, Joey paused to look at her as if wanting to say something else, but didn't.

"What?" Rachel pressed him.

Joey was quiet for a minute, before replying, "I don't know. Guess, I'm still in shock that you and me … well, yeah, you know." He shrugged it off as if embarrassed that he was letting his emotions for her show through.

Memories of how hard it had been for him when she originally didn't return his feelings, hit her hard and guilt set in at ruining what Joey had probably been thinking about for a long time … them finally getting intimate. His puppy dog eyes were torture as he stared back at her and rather than stare into their depths, Rachel hopped up off the couch she had been sitting on and said, "Me too."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him briefly, but not long enough that any slaps might be prompted by her psyche. Then Joey had gone to his room to sleep, but not before retrieving the Tums from the bathroom, while she went to her own to try and do the same.

His snores were loud through the thin wall that separated them and along with her thoughts, those noises kept her awake. Rachel spent most of the night trying to figure out the reason behind the physical abuse she'd inflicted on someone she loved and was very eager to move on to the next step with. It didn't make sense and she was afraid that her reflexive slaps weren't going to stop until the mystery was solved. The answer finally hit her somewhere between asleep and awake when hazy memories from years ago presented themselves to Rachel. They were ones she had pushed back into the cobwebbed corner of her mind, a place that wasn't visited all that often, because remembering them always made her upset.

Although, there was no eureka moment for her at finally having the answer, because it wasn't a cure. In fact, it felt to Rachel like admitting defeat, because she didn't think it was possible for her to look past the hang-ups that were haunting her and keeping her from sleeping with Joey. With a heavy heart at what she would have to do in the morning, Rachel finally succumbed to sleep.

When her alarm when off a few hours later, Rachel groaned miserably. Her night spent playing detective with her brain had afforded her little rest. Then she made another noise of discontent as the memory of what she would have to tell Joey came back like a bad headache. Her day was going to be a difficult one to say the least. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" she yelled at the loud beeps from her alarm clock, taking her frustration out on the inanimate object, and even if it were impossible, she felt like the thing became louder just to annoy her.

In a fit of frustration, the alarm clock was turned off with a slap just forceful enough to cause Rachel to tumble out of bed and release a startled shriek that replaced the clock's blare as the loudest thing in the apartment. She anticipated Joey running in to see what all the commotion was about and strained her ears to see if she could hear him. It was quiet, but that didn't mean anything. When Rachel finally gathered the nerve to pull herself up off the floor and greet her roommate/boyfriend, she was disappointed, but had to admit also a little bit relieved that he'd already gone to work.

The coffee pot was on with some of the hot beverage still inside for her. Next to it was a note from Joey apologizing for drinking all the milk and for him being the reason she would have to drink her coffee black. He promised to buy a gallon on his way home along with some of that caramel syrup he knew she liked to add to her morning coffee sometimes. As her eyes continued to follow the words down the paper, Rachel couldn't help the smile that spread across her lips. Joey had filled the note with some nice sentiments about her that weren't much on the eloquent side or even spelled correctly, but what he lacked in vocabulary he always made up for in sincerity. Even if they were just words on paper, Rachel knew Joey meant every bit of it.

But then her smile faded at the realization that she needed to tell Joey as soon as possible that their romance couldn't continue. It wasn't fair to keep leading him on when there wasn't any hope for their future. Rachel stared at the note a little bit longer and sighed. Then placing it down, her hand reached for the phone. She was going to call in sick to work, because there was something more important to deal with than anything happening at Ralph Laruen that day.

Once the phone call was made, Rachel quickly showered and dressed before leaving in a dash to visit Joey. Along the way though, she did stop at Central Perk to pick up one of those muffins she knew Joey loved. Food would help soften the blow. Maybe a dozen of them would comfort him, she thought and despite knowing no amount of food would keep Joey's heart unbroken, Rachel went ahead and bought twelve. Twelve were better than one.

When she eventually arrived at the studio, carrying the large box of muffins, Rachel didn't have any trouble getting past security. The guards knew her well enough from her many tagalongs with Dr. Drake Ramoray and waved her through.

"Hey, Rachel," one of them said to her as she passed.

She didn't know his name and replied, "Hey … _you_," with a wink, before heading up to the floor where they shot _Days of Our Lives_.

Unfortunately for Rachel, the box she was carrying obstructed some of her view and after she stepped off the elevator and onto Joey's floor, her foot caught on some cable. She really wasn't sure what it was connected to, only that it caused her muffins to spill from their box. "Oh, no." she whimpered at the scattered food all across the floor.

Rachel began to place the muffins back, while also muttering soft irritations at her clumsy self. She glanced up once during her task and saw Gladys walk by. A smile of hello was ready on Rachel's lips, but she held back when it was apparent that Joey's make-up artist only wanted to greet her with a grimace. It was actually a bit frustrating that no one offered their help and when Rachel finally had all the muffins back in their box, she snuck into Joey's dressing room as inconspicuously as was possible for her being the woman who had dropped muffins all over the set of _Days of Our Lives_.

Joey showed up a couple minutes later, no doubt the product of hearing gossip about some crazy muffin lady in his room. "Rach!" he said in a voice that conveyed excitement, but also confusion. "Were we supposed to meet today for lunch? … or muffins?"

His eyes swept over the open box she was still holding. Without waiting for her reply, he plucked one away and took a bite, only to make a face a few seconds later as he pulled a long black hair out of his mouth.

"Yeah, they might not be in the best condition. I dropped them on the floor." Rachel informed him.

It looked as if Joey was taking this information into consideration, but in the end didn't care and with a shrug, took another bite. Rachel was about to voice her disgust, but held back. Now wasn't the time. "Well, anyway there are eleven more dirty ones where that came from, some could possibly even contain more hair if you're lucky," she teased, placing the box on the counter where all Joey's make-up supplies were kept.

"Thanks," Joey replied, not seeming to catch on that her words had been a joke. "But what's the occasion?"

"Just wanted to say I'm sorry for last night." She wasn't being totally honest and knew their conversation would eventually have to lead down the path of heartbreak, but Rachel found her courage shrinking in the face of Joey … he just looked so innocent and cute.

"Well, I have to get back. I shouldn't be long, so if you wanted to wait for me, I could take you to lunch later. Unless you have to work."

"No, I took off the day to spend with you." Another lie.

"All right." Joey smiled enthusiastically and raised his eyebrows mischievously.

It was a facial expression Rachel was used to seeing on him and was one that usually preceded a flirty, _How you doin'_, although if he did say that now it wouldn't really fit with the conversation they were having. Still she saw hope in that smile of his and the exact opposite of what she had planned was happening. Rachel was leading him on.

"Hey, you didn't happen to see Gladys on your way in?" Joey asked, pulling Rachel from her thoughts.

"Actually, I did," Rachel replied. "And you know what, she didn't seem all that happy to see me."

Joey frowned, "Yeah, she's a little mad at you."

"Me? What did I do?"

"Welllllll, Gladys may have noticed my cheeks were a bit redder than usual, so I told her about last night," Joey said in a confession that was rushed.

"Joey!" Rachel said, exasperated.

"I'm sorry, but the story just sort of came out and when it was, I felt better. It felt good telling someone else. Better than Chandler. He'd probably make a joke out of it for weeks and then Monica would know and she would tell Ross."

Rachel sighed at the mention of her ex and Joey took her little pause to make his escape, lest he have to face Rachel's irritation, "Well, okay bye. See you later," he said as he made his exit back out the door.

She would have gone after him, but decided the moment had passed. Walking over to the make-up chair with Joey's name printed on the back, Rachel settled in. The end of their relationship would now have to take place later. At least in the time she waited, Rachel could gather up her courage again. Releasing an unhappy groan, Rachel reached over and picked up one of the ruined muffins and took a bite.


	2. Chapter 2

Before Joey came back to get her, Rachel ended up eating two more muffins … mostly out of boredom, but also to give herself something to do. If she sat there just waiting, the guilt slowly started to creep in. She was prolonging this break-up, because she didn't want to hurt him, but it wasn't fair to keep Joey thinking everything was okay. Their situation was like a band aid, better to pull it off quickly than slowly draw each hair from its follicle … or something like that. The analogy made more sense when she first thought of it in her heard. Anyway … it meant the sting would be sharp, but gone quicker than if she kept pretending.

By the time Joey entered through the door, pulling Drake Ramoray's long white jacket off, Rachel had resolved she would tell him right then and there. Only things didn't go exactly how she had planned, because Joey instantly raced towards Rachel and kissed her firmly on the lips. Her determination waivered slightly as his arms snaked around her back, pulling her body closer into his. Then just as suddenly as it had begun, their intimate moment ended when Joey released his hold. Rachel had to work to steady her legs, since his unexpected kiss had left her weak kneed.

"Wha … What was that for?" Rachel sighed a bit too seductively, revealing the heat his kiss had warmed throughout her body. "And are you trying to get yourself slapped?" She added when her ability to talk normally returned.

"I wanted to give you something nice, before I ruined your day," Joey admitted, a guilty grimace pulling his mouth downward. "But, hey … you didn't slap me!" The boyish enthusiasm in his voice was endearing to Rachel.

"Yeah, because I knew it couldn't lead to sex … at least not in your dressing room."

Joey raised his eyebrows playfully, "Ah, yes it could have."

Rachel pushed him gently away, afraid from his expression that he might attempt to kiss her again. "That's beside the point," she replied, knowing full well that with Joey sex could probably happen anywhere … even on a dirty dressing room floor. "Why did you kiss me? You said you were trying to make up for ruining my day. What do you mean? Is Gladys coming in here to lecture me?"

Joey shook his head. "No."

"Then what?"

"Okay, but don't get mad." Joey's eyes were full of puppy dog sadness as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "I forgot that Ross planned to eat lunch with me today as a sort of apology for the way he acted the other night when we were over at his place with Charlie. He just called and said he was on his way," Joey admitted, his frown from before returning to his face.

Rachel softly groaned and Joey placed a hand against her cheek, not guessing the real reason behind her unhappiness, "I'm sorry. I know you took the day off of work, so we could work on that _issue_ of yours, but I promise I'll make it up to you."

She would rather he didn't. Rachel didn't want Joey making up for anything. She was the one who was going to hurt him, but now obviously wasn't the time to do that when Ross was going to be there any second. "It's okay. I'm not mad. We can just have lunch some other time." _But as friends_, Rachel thought. "I'll see you at home tonight?"

"Actually …" Joey said, drawing the word out like there was more he had to say, but didn't want to, because he feared Rachel's reaction.

"What?"

Joey went to kiss her again, but Rachel glided her lips away from his. "Joey, you can't make up for everything by kissing me, you know that, right?" she said with a smirk.

He shrugged in response. "Gotta go with where my strength are."

Rachel softly laughed, but still kept her mouth from meeting his. She didn't want to add one more kiss or uh hair to be later ripped from its follicle … boy, that parallel to their relationship really wasn't working for her anymore. She'd have to come up with something else before tonight, which was when their break-up would most likely happen now. "So …" Rachel prompted Joey, trying to force him to give her an answer that wasn't in the form of a kiss.

"So, "Joey repeated. "When I told Ross you were here, he got all weird, laughing and saying that the three of us should all go to lunch together."

"Oh, no. I can't deal with another situation like the other night. Sorry, Joey. I have to leave before Ross gets-." But before she could finish her sentence and make a mad dash for the exit, the sound of the door opening brought Rachel's attention over Joey's shoulder and to the person entering … the one person Rachel wanted to avoid at that moment.

"Ross!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air as if his visit were a surprise, the happiness of her tone in stark contrast with her true feelings.

"Rachel!" Ross said back with the same enthusiasm, although his happiness edged a little closer to manic.

There was a moment of silence that followed where neither said anything, not really sure how to move beyond their initial greetings. Even though Ross had given his blessing for Joey to date her, it didn't mean seeing them together wasn't going to create another emotional breakdown for him. His usual knee jerk reaction to circumstances like this was to get all squeaky, high pitched and then claim he was fine … which, of course, he was not. That was when Rachel remembered she was still near Joey enough that their bodies hinted at a kiss Ross might have interrupted. Quickly, she nudged her boyfriend away and getting the hint, Joey gave her some distance. The silence persisted, blanketing the room with its awkwardness, until Joey suddenly said his name out loud.

Both Rachel and Ross turned their eyes away from each other and onto the one who had broken the tension. "What?" he said in response to their curious stares. "I was feeling left out. No one said my name."

With a laugh, Rachel released the breath she hadn't been aware she was holding. Joey was trying to ease the strain on them the only way he knew how … by playing dumb. "Yes, how could we forget Joey? Who you are here to see, so I will now be leaving, but it was good to see you, Ross." Rachel breezed through these words in an effort to keep anyone from objecting to her leaving.

But it didn't work. Ross grasped her arm as she walked by him and said, "Now hold on. Joey said you took the day off to spend with him. There shouldn't be any reason for me to come between that. Let's make this a threesome … or uh … well, I can't believe I said that. I mean go out to eat … the three of us. I'm sure we have lots to talk about."

Ross was speaking that way again … the way that told Rachel he wasn't at all okay with any of this, but his deluded mind was telling him to go along anyway. Her ex always had to try and make a situation better by making it worse. Rachel felt trapped, because any excuse she could use was already gone. She didn't have to work and she didn't have Emma to take care of, since her daughter was with the nanny. Maybe she could fake being sick. She did after all eat multiple dirty muffins.

Ross eventually released his hold on her arm and Joey came up to take her hand in his. The feeling comforted her and she found herself relenting. "Okay. Let's go get lunch."


End file.
